Teen Advice Column > Teen Advice Council > Teens > TeenAIDS - PeerCorps

Teen Advice Column

Scroll Down for the Newest Q & A's

A jovial group of Fitchburg High School students celebrate their last performance of their Stop Action performances to peers in local school

Hey you guys, we want to answer your questions. Ask us anything you like and we'll try our best to help you with good advice and accurate information. We started out as a group of students from Fitchburg High School (Massachusetts USA) and have since grown to a worldwide group. We have been trained by Dr. John to be PeerCorps advisors and teachers to our friends and classmates. If you have a question about dating, peer presure, or how HIV is passed sexually among teens, ask us. Maybe you have a problem with parents or school teachers who unwilling to answer your questions honestly. Perhaps you have a friend who has HIV and you want to help him or her. We want to give you good information and advice so talk to us. If you want a private email answer back, let us know that too. Otherwise we will try and publish your letter in this column.

We cannot always answer you as promptly as you may wish (we have exams, homework, football games, family chores, and dates too) so you should review all the newest posings to see if the answer to your question can be found.

This Winter we are trying something different. We are posting new inquiries and the individual responses from different Teen Council members. What do you think of this idea? Please give us your feedback.

1) Question from Erica, 15:
"My life is very difficult. First of all my parents dont never give me no freedom, they never let me go anywhere with out them and I'm 15. I had alot of freedom when I was younger. I dont have no friends because of them. Im homeschooled too. So Im to the point when I just want to walk out the house and never come back. What should I do?"

From Sivan:
Well that's a hard question... if i was in her situation.. I would talk it out with her parents or something ask why i don't get that much freedom anymore and ask why they don't want me to go to a normal school and alot of that stuff and she shouldn't just walk out and run away and never come back because she's going to realize that her family is what she might be missing the most and she wants to go back... i don't know if that helps but yeah that's my opinion.

From Hannah:
Erica, If I were in your situation, I would be very frustrated also and I would mainly want to take out my anger on my parents. I think that the reason that your parents are being so strict with you is because they don't want to see you grow up too fast, and they care about you so much that they don't want to let you go. Maybe the reason that your parents gave you more freedom when you were younger is because they knew that you would still listen to them, because usually at least from my perspective, when kids are younger they are closer with their parents and they aren't as involved with friends, and peer pressure as when you are a teenager at the age of fifteen. I bet if you talked with your parents, like Sivan was saying then they would understand a lot better, that's the first thing I would do if I were you. Just let them know how you feel, and ask them for a little more freedom. And if you don't like being home-schooled, then get involved in something extra. Do you enjoy any hobbies or sports? That way you could make friends and your parents would like the fact that you are doing something to keep in shape or work your brain. Even though you are really upset with your parents and want to leave the cooped up house that you're dying to get out of, don't run away because then your parents are going to be even more strict with you and be mad at you for making that decision. The main thing that I would do in this situation is talk to my parents and see what they think about it. It never hurt to try right? Good Luck.

From Haley:
If I were Erica, I'd talk to my parents, instead of running away from them. They must have a reason for the things that they're doing. Her parent's know what's best, and just talking it out with them will probably help. Show them responsibility, and respect, and that will probably help you make progress. I agree with Sivan.

2) Question from Jessica, Louisiana, 13:
"What do you do if your friend is becoming soo popular at school and she loves it....but then she starts to leave you out....all she thinks about is boys. She always takes her crush somewhere before me and she was like my sister before he came along. she's also us getting to boy crazy for me....she's only 12 and she wants to kiss boys....what should i do or say??"

From Maria:
Jessica, I had a similar situation when I was 13. My best friend was getting all boy crazy and I wasn't for it. Try talking to her about it, share your observations with her, and try telling her how you feel about being left out. Hopefully she understands, and if she doesn't then maybe she's just trying to grow up too fast. I hope I helped!

From Destiny:
Jessica, this is probably not what you want to hear but not every one remains friends throughout their lifetime people grow and change with time. So the best thing to do is to just talk to your friend about what she is doing and how you feel. If she doesn't seem to care then maybe it wasn't meant to last or maybe she will realize in the not so distant future that she has lost a valuable friend. But if you don't want to lose her as a friend tell her how you feel and just tell her to be careful in what she does because there are a lot of guys out there who just want some one to call their own. Just tell her you worry and try to hang out with her and get to know the people she is talking with and maybe you both can hang out with the same people and all be friends.

From Jae Hee:
Jessica, I think it is natural for your age group to start getting interested in each other (meaning boys to girls and vice versa). However, if the curiosity for the other sex is misguided, teenagers fall vulnerable to many hardships in the end. I think it is your job, Jessica, to guide your friend. I know that you are still confused about your friend's change in behavior, but that doesn't mean that you should stay confused. Take some time to talk with your friend. Maybe invite her to your house or find a quiet place to talk. Tell her that she should be aware of the consequences of closer relationships with boys although her interest in boys is utterly natural. For now your friend may be satisfied by kissing, but she will want to experience more as she matures. Merely telling your friend to stop being interested is not the best advice, rather tell her that responsibility always follows maturity. Holding hands, hugging or kissing may not be such a harm, but when your friend starts considering having sex, she will become vulnerable to diseases such as HIV/AIDS. Tell her about the ABCs of AIDS. A being abstinence, B being be faithful (with one partner), and C using condoms. I advise you to learn more about it at our website.

From Hannah:
Jessica, I know how you are feeling, right now I am fifteen, but when I was your age, two years ago, I didn't care much for boys either, I just cared about my close girlfriends, and having a fun time. A lot of my girl friends were boy crazy also, and I felt just the same.. I would always think about how it used to be before boys had to come into the picture and ruin the close friendship that my friends and I used to have, without any boy drama. I think that your friend is probably so caught up in her popularity that she is forgetting about the ones that mean the most, you, her best friend & sister, for example. Because your friend is getting so much attention in school, and is becoming popular like you said.. she is getting caught in it, and one day she is going to get hurt by someone.. maybe another friend that she makes while she is caught up in her popularity, or even this boy that you were talking about.. and you know who she is going to come to for support and comfort.. that girl is going to be you, Jessica. And once she comes to you, she is going to realize that she needs you. I think its just a stage that she is going through, and it will eventually pass by, if you two are like sisters and the best of friends.. then even through all of this tough stuff, that you have to deal with, you'll be friends in the end.. and as your grow older, you'll look back on things such as this and laugh. If I were you hun, I wouldn't worry too much about it, if you are really worried though, and she is a good friend then talk to her about how you feel and maybe she'll listen.

From Haley:
Jessica, right now, your friend is going through a stage every girl goes through at some point. It wont be long before she realizes that you'll always be there, when the boys aren't. and while it may be frustrating now, she wont be like that forever. Be friends with the boys she talks to, and maybe you can all hang out. Wait it out, and eventually things will go back to normal.

From Sivan:
I think that if her friend is doing all that then just like sit her down and ask why she's doing all that stuff at the age of 12. That is kind of early for getting into boys. You can tell her that she shouldn't get too boy crazy because she doesn't want her to get hurt if a boy ends up braking her heart and stuff like that. My friends i know are boy crazy and they are popular too. I just go along with them until they do something dumb that i know shouldn't be doing and tell them that they are too young to be messing around with boys this young and they always tell me how they feel and that's a complete different story so yeah she should just ask and talk to her down so she can get at good understanding of how her friend feels about this whole situation you know.

3) Question from Kristen, the Bronx, 16:
"I am pregnant...I cheated on my current boyfriend during the time I

got pregnant with an ex boyfriend. I want it to be my current
boyfriends so badly and I really, really think that it is but I am
not sure. I think about it everyday and I really dont know what to
do. Now that we have told everyone our parents and families and
friends are so excitied but what if its not his in the end? What
should I do?"

From Maria:
Kristen, you have to either tell your current boyfriend that you cheated on and had sex with an ex, or you can just let it go and wait until the baby is born and then get a blood test on all 4 of you. As hard as it may seem, you're going to have to tell your boyfriend of your uncertainty. Overall in the end, it's better to tell the truth then risk not telling him ever and possibly having the baby growing up with the wrong father. Chances are he'll understand, and be there for you and the baby no matter what - the same with your family and friends. The people around you that love and care for you will be there for you no matter the circumstances. I hope i helped.

From Hannah:
Kristen, I know that its not my business to be telling you this, and I am sure you have heard it plenty of times, but are you really up for having that big of a responsibility, at such a young age? I am fifteen, and I would go out of my mind if I had to deal with such a huge responsibility as having a child.. If your parents and families are excited and happy about it, then that's really great because you're going to need them and their support to help you through this changing moment in your life� You must be going crazy thinking about who's baby it is� maybe destiny will work its magic and that baby will in fact be your current boyfriend's. Good luck and best of wishes to your new baby. One last thing, have you thought about or talked to your boyfriend about the situation, if it is his? He will probably have a hard time letting go of the fact that you cheated on him. I hope he can forgive and forget. Once again, good luck and think positive!

From Destiny:
Kristen as for being pregnant, i don't know if you're happy about it or not but congratulations. First of all you should see if your current boyfriend is even happy with the thought of being a father and if he is than let it go but you should tell him anyway and if he really cares about you he will stick with you and help you out but if he doesn't care than maybe its not worth raising a child with him if it's not real love because that is what your child and even your unborn child still in the womb needs.

From Haley:
Kristen, I think there is nothing better than the truth. Even though the
baby turns out to be your current boyfriend's, you will always feel
uncomfortable about it. I think you should also tell your boyfriend,
but if you think it is not the best time, tell your parents first.
Don't let your worry bother you further. You will feel much better if
you talk to others about it. Have courage Kristen.

From Jae Hee:
Kristen, I think there is nothing better than the truth. Even though the baby turns out to be your current boyfriend's, you will always feel uncomfortable about it. I think you should also tell your boyfriend, but if you think it is not the best time, tell your parents first. Don't let your worry bother you further. You will feel much better if you talk to others about it. Have courage Kristen.

From Sivan:

Kristen, okay that is a very bad thing to do in the first place but i think that you should recheck everything. Think about the time you weren't pregnant to the time now and had with more intercourse with and all that and if anything to like tell the truth so nobody would be hurt in the situation. It can hurt and effect other people too. So i think you should just sit down and think for awhile and then go talk to the ex and current boyfriends. Tell them it can be a possibility that one of them can be the father because if you don't tell the current boyfriend and it isn't his child, then alot of that can have a big effect on how they feel now and if they are willing to take care of the baby or not. Other than that i have really nothing to say. Only time will tell.

4) Question from Ria, 16, Virginia
"is it possble to get pregnant if ur doin it in a pool or a hot tub???"

From Megan & Ray:
Dear Ria, Thank you for emailing us. I know it must be awkward writing to people you don't know about sex but thank you. The answer to your question is we don't know for sure. According to our Health teacher at high school, he says it is possible to become pregnant while "doin it" in a Hot Tub. However, we are sending your question on to Dr. John for him to answer in his "Ask Dr. John" Column. We think it's better to be safe (with the correct information) than be sorry. That's not a cop out.

5) Question from Anonymous, 17, New York City:
"My boyfreind tells me he will leave me if I don't give it to him. I tell him to wait but he gets mad crazy."

From Megan & Ray:
Dear Anonymous, Thanks for the email you wrote in to us. How is it in the Big Apple? But to answer your question our opinion is simple, you shouldn't have to do it if you don't want to. No means no. Move on. If someone like that supposedly cares about you they wouldn't force you or pressure you into having sex with them -- or anything else you don't want to do. Like we said before we feel the best thing to do is just try to move on.

From Haley:
Dear Anonymous, I agree with Megan and Ray. If this kid cares about you, he will respect you and your decisions. You shouldn't have to do what you don't want to do to be with him.

From Sivan:
Yeah i would agree with my pals ray and megan because that is true if your boyfriend does care for u alot and wants to be with you then he wont pressure you into doing anything that you dont want to do and if he gets mad because he doesnt get what he wants then i wouldnt waste my time on him and ill tell him that if he cant wait then try and move on. i kno thats alot of pressure because he is your boyfriend and thats hard because you have these feelings for him but you know i can tell your strong by telling him to wait and you can still be strong by telling him to wait and not try and force things on you. so yeah try and move on or just keep telling him to wait and if he keeps getting mad then you can just see that he isnt really wroth it.

6) Question from Anonymous, 16, England
"ok well me and my boyfriend have been going out for a while now(6 months) but we've only kissed or he's done stuff to me. he keeps asking for things and i want to but my confidence just lets me down and i can't. what should i do??"

From Maria:
dear anonymous, it's great to have a boyfriend for 6 months and to let your affection show, but never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or guilty. if your confidence is letting you down, that's a big "red light" saying that you don't find that comfortable or you're not ready to do those things yet. i suggest talking to your boyfriend about it and coming to a conclusion that he needs to stop trying to pressure you into things, because that's an unhealthy relationship, or to just let you do what you find comfortable.
i hope i could help!

From Haley:
You can't do anything that you don't want to, or are not ready, to do. If your boyfriend cares about you he will also care about your decisions and feelings. Let him know how you're feeling, and hopefully he will understand.

From Destiny:
if you are not ready to do anything serious than don’t. it is not something that should be rushed anyway you still have your whole life ahead of you.

7) Question from TayaLee, 14, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
"Well , theres this boy at school that I really really like and he likes me too but I got a boyfriend and I like really love him sorta, but I dont know what to do, the boy that I really really like I like him more than I like my boyfriend but I dont wanna go out with that boy cause I might hurt my friends."

From Destiny:
Tayalee - First of all if you are looking at other boys when you have a boyfriend that is not love. Second if you are not happy than you should always try to make yourself happy.

From Maria:
Dear tayalee, it sounds like you have a little crush huh? well if you two really like each other, but you have a boyfriend that you think you love, then i'm sorry but it doesn't sound like you love your boyfriend. i'd look at where your relationship is in terms of how much you actually like him and vice versa. if you're having trouble deciding who you like then you should try being single for awhile, and then see where you're at with your maybe ex boyfriend and the kid that likes you and you like him. i hope i helped.

8) Question from Sammy, 15, Stockton, California:
"I like this girl in my class. She smiles at me when her friends arent ther but doesnt do nothing. I asked a buddy but he say she is no good but dont tell me why. I think about her alot -- even in a dream. I cant drive but I know she gos to the mall to hang out on saturdays. How can I talk to her? I dont have a cell. My brother says talk to her in class but what if she ignores me with her friends? Im shy. She is very pretty and hot."

From Haley:
Dear Sammy, Try to talk to her at school, and if she ignores you, she may not be the one for you. You deserve to be talked to, and not ignored. Get to know her before thinking she's no good-chances are it's just a rumor.

9) Question from Amber, 18, Alabama:
"I'm 18 years old and i want to go have my tongue peirced. My mom said she don't agree with it but its my body and i'm 18 and it's up to me. But then theres my dad, i asked him and he just about freaked out. he won't even hear my side of it. He is set in his own way. Frist he told me fine as long as it couldn't be seen. the night i called him to tell him i was going to get it, he freaked. He told me no, i never said you could (when just the day before he said i could.). I think someone told him that anyone who gets this done is only getting it for sexual reasons. But i'm not. I mean i'm still a VIRGIN! I've want to get my tongue pierced from the age 15. I've wanted it for a little over 3 years, so i know its not just because "everyone has it" or something like that. If i didn't care what he would do or say i would just go have it done anyway no matter what he said. what do you think i should do?"

From Megan
Dear Amber, Parents can be tough huh? Trust me, i know. I've been in your situation... almost. It took me 2 years to convince my mom to let me get my belly button pierced. The way I look at it is, you should sit down with your parents and talk to them about it. If they end up yelling at you for some reason (they always seem to) don't yell back; it always makes matters worse, in a calm voice tell them how you feel about it and maybe you and your parents can come to an agreement about your piercing. This may show more maturity than they think you already have. And even though you're 18 and it's your body, your parents (I must admit) do know what's best for you.

What do you think? Send us your answer…

10) Question from Jessica, 17, Ohio:
"I have been w/ this boy for 3 yrs on and off. i really love him. he is 2 yrs younger than me. recently we got caught having sex. his dad hates me now. my mom and dad and his mom don't seem to mind anymore, i got a pap and i am on birth control. it's just that his dad hates me he doesn't even talk to me anymore. and now that everyone knows, we are not allowed to do anything alone or together hardley, well never now. help?"

What do you think? Send us your answer…

(back to top)